Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
