i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
