My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
