but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
