I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
