Porn is love you can see.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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