he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
