Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
