Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I need to sanitize my soul.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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