I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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