dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
