Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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