It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
