I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize