i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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