how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
