I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
