My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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