dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
