u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
