He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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