Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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