The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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