The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
