____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
