I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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