This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
