I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
