fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
