i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I looked at my own cervix.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize