Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
