Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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