They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
