Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
