I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
