youre lurking in front of me
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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