the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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