Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
