I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
