i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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