Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
