You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Do you have feelings for this penis?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
