I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
