Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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