I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
