Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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