Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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