why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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