Your face is a jimmy john
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
im holly from the hills drunk
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
