these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
