Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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