I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the day after is always just damage control
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
