Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
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your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
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If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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