i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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