so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
