i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
