Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
