We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
