My liver just broke up with me...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
