NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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