I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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