she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
