They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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