This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
