He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
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I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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