Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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