today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
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I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
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This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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