Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
