What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
