it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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